I am a Mess!

Clearly, l am worried about what people think of me, I know the pain of striving to be perfect. It feels like no one can keep up with me, except one.

Oh, no one wants to know my faults but rather my “brilliance”. I am not even sure anyone can see my brilliance with my faults. But don’t be worried about me, l have it all together… yeah on the outside but I am wasting away on the inside.

I work hard, sometimes harder to change, I strive but yet l come back to the same place, broken, weak and things don’t seem to change.

Aww!! l doubt if God still cares, if he still has a place in his heart for a struggling Christian like me, l mean l accepted the grace when l said yes!  But l am struggling to know if l have really changed.  It seems like when l said yes, I didn’t mean it. If l did, l shouldn’t be slipping into my old ways.

Clearly, l am a mess!!!

But isn’t that the very reason Christ came to save my drowning soul?   When l was purely lost in pleasing my flesh and going about life my way, I didn’t even know l needed a saviour. Far is so close, l was completely in the dark and I didn’t know any light.

If he was interested in me when l wanted nothing to do with him, then he still has a sweet spot for a sinner like me. I am his first cut, the first cut is the deepest.

I am accepted!!!

Didn’t he say “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

~ Mathew 11:28-30 (ESV)

l will run into the arms of my father and there, l will find rest.

So I  am not giving up. How could I?  Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on me, on the inside, where God is making a new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for me. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things l see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things l can’t see now will last forever.

~2 Corinthians 4:16 (MSG)

I am loved!!!

If it was about me, about what l do, then l would have no chance. It would be over for me. but it’s not over…

Now God has me where he wants me, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon me in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea and all his work. All I do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! I don’t play the major role. If I did, I’d probably go around bragging that I’d done the whole thing!

No, I neither make nor save myself. God does both the making and saving. He created me by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for me to do, work I had better be doing.

~Ephesians 2:8-9 (MSG)

When doubts kick in, I hear the whispers of his voice.

“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.
    I’ve called your name. You’re mine.
When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.
    When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you’re between a rock and a hard place,
    it won’t be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
    The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
    all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That’s how much you mean to me!
    That’s how much I love you!
I’d sell off the whole world to get you back,
    trade the creation just for you.”  

Isaiah 43:4 (MSG)

I am changed!!!

In all these things I am more than a conqueror through him who loved me. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

~Romans 8:31-39

I am a new creation, the old has gone and the new has come. I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

~Galatians 2:20

His love for me is fierce, he has taken my sin. As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed my transgressions from me. 

On the foundation of this faith… God, this is my prayer.

“Make me intelligent and discerning in knowing you personally, with my eyes focused and clear so that l can see exactly what you are calling me to do; Give me understanding so that l will grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life you have for those who follow you and show me the extravagance of your work in me. And that l will know endless energy and boundless strength.”

Amen.
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